Am i just twisted?

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Am i just twisted?

Postby doHP85t on May 11th, 2016, 3:21 am 

I'm a uneducated dude from Denmark. I am sorry in advance for any bad explanations etc. English is NOT my mother language. I don't even know if this is the right place to post this.

I've wondered, i'm a boy raised in a bad town with a lot of crime. I have seen, as a very small child, that violence is just a part of everything living, basically a part of nature. i have no father, he jailed all the time.

I have been in court for many things, and been a part of organized crime for many years (Smuggling, drug dealing, fraud etc.) and 1.st degree violence a couple of times with weapons.

The thing is, i dont feel sorry for people, i mean - i understand WHY they react, but i do not feel the empathy at all. i dont really care.
I don't get scared, but i understand danger.

I smile, i laugh, i grin, i do everything, but i do all these things without feeling.. I mean i feel it, but it's always the same feeling, happy or not - it's a blank. it's just Empty, acting.

Basically i see myself as a fair man, but disturbed... I have tested myself for psychopathic traits and completed almost every test online, and books i could find with almost highest score (which indicated i am), but i know i am not a psychopath in its original meaning. I only hurt people who deserve it, some people are only obstacles in my way, and needs to be taken care of. people who hurts children, animals, me, my family, my girlfriend or mother earth is dead in my eyes and deserve that equal punishment.

But when i LOVE, i tell you the feelings inside me cannot stop! It's like that's what i live for! It is the only real thing i can feel.
My family is very small, and i have only love for few of them, i have a girlfriend which got my heart probably forever, i have never been cheating in my entire life! I have never hurt a animal before, and i never would. Animals and nature is the only pure thing left in this polluted world.


I am known as very social, very happy and always a fair leader type.
I know i've done some bad shit, but is it that bad? I mean, i almost kill a person with a bat. he had like no chance of survival, but got saved after a few days in the hospital (He is way older then i am) the dude has been **** his sons life up since birth doping them and shit. He derserve it? does that make me bad?

It's hard to explain and i have endless examples. But i guess what i'm trying to say is - I pretty much know, i am a little bit psychopathic, and i am aware of that - i don't really care.

I do some things some other people would never do or even consider thinking about, but i only hurt people who hurts others? I'm raised **** up, and have learned from it. But what i wanna know is?

Am i bad if i clearly understand the concept between good and evil? Does understanding the action that im making, make me anything of a better person?
sometimes violence in the only answer. I understand that`
Am i just twisted?

When is a behavior "INHUMANE" ?

I know this is not a normal post, compared to the others, but i think many psychopaths feels misunderstood. Sorry if nothing makes sense.
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Watson on May 11th, 2016, 10:15 am 

Is this a one off post you will never return to?
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Serpent on May 11th, 2016, 11:25 am 

I understood Denmark had pretty good social services. Could you not get help?
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Watson on May 11th, 2016, 11:49 am 

Seem like the young fellow is just questioning if there is a problem. That would be several steps away from going for help. That's why I was wondering if it was just an anonymous life sucks post with no intention of a follow up, or concern about what we might think. But clearly, caring about family and girl friend should be a slight motivation for looking for a better life, for them if not yourself.
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Braininvat on May 11th, 2016, 12:20 pm 

As someone who worked in the field, I can tell you that the Hare Checklist cannot give a reliable result if it is self-administered. The same goes for any other online test you might find. And, unless the person giving it is experienced and well-trained, it may still give false positives of psychopathy. What you describe sounds to me more like someone reacting to a hostile environment with quite a bit of emotional numbness and moments of rage - this doesn't make you a psychopath. It means you have to shut down a lot of feelings to survive around people who will attack your vulnerabilities, if they are exposed. You mention that you experience great love for your girlfriend and others, and that you can put their wellbeing first. This does not sound like a psychopath. Nor does you kindnesss and tender regard for animals suggest psychopathy. If you live in a place where violence seems to be your only option to survive, I hope you will consider the "geography cure," that is, getting out of there any way you can. In some places in the world, this might not be an option, but you live in one of the most enlightened and progressive nations on the planet, with excellent social services (as Serpent noted above) and many support systems for those victimized by violence.

Consider also this possibility: if you cannot leave, you might better protect those you love by taking a leadership role in your neighborhood, in getting rival groups to sit down at the table together and work out their differences. In the long run, anything you do to lessen the cycles of harm and revenge taken for harm, will protect those you care about. Your life has given you the ability to act boldly and not be overwhelmed by fear. Think what you could do, with those attributes, if you turn your energies to getting enemies to negotiate. As for beating up bad people, it seems to me that you do not need to be responsible for punishing the wicked in a nation of laws. By beating up a brutal man, you only validate who HE is....you make yourself also a brutal man, and you may also set an example to impressionable minds around you who know of this act, and contribute to making them more violent, too. Perhaps you would enjoy developing your intelligence to come up with ways to stop such brutal people from harming others, without resorting to brutality yourself. Would there be a way to deprive such a person of power or other things they value, without beating them with a baseball bat? I think you would find a deep satisfaction in finding such alternatives, and gain much respect from those around you.
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Serpent on May 11th, 2016, 1:07 pm 

Watson » May 11th, 2016, 10:49 am wrote:Seem like the young fellow is just questioning if there is a problem. That would be several steps away from going for help.

Maybe so. I was a bit suspicious of the scenario and language. Could be wrong.
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Watson on May 11th, 2016, 4:25 pm 

I suppose time will tell, if they come back but the anonymous first/only time visitor to an online forum is not a place to get help. Even if Dr. BiV was totally qualified and 100% accurate in dealing with this situation, a drug dealer visiting for the first time would not recognize the excellent hands he is in. So it is definitely the wrong place for help, but certainly the right place to rationalize bad behavior and justify not making any changes. And no one interrupts you, or corrects or challenges you, and no one confronts you with your own misguided past.

I kind of feel bad for the girl friend. Relationships are a nasty bit of a trap, easy in and trouble to find your way out of. But that is a whole other thread.
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby mtbturtle on May 11th, 2016, 5:05 pm 

Watson, Think simpler think troll
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Braininvat on May 11th, 2016, 5:19 pm 

Hi, Watson. No "doctor" here, just a former counselor for a few years, so I offer only points to consider. It is good to give that disclaimer, that no therapy can be offered here. And yes, it could be some offbeat kind of trollery or performance.
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Watson on May 11th, 2016, 5:41 pm 

That was my first thought. But then Serpent spoke up, and well, unintended conversation spewed forth.
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Eclogite on May 12th, 2016, 3:26 am 

If the OP is a troll then anything we say, other than go away, is irrelevant.

If the OP is genuine, then sympathetic comments may be of value to them.

If the OP is genuine and we treat them as a troll this could damage their already vulnerable and confused state of mind.

The default position should therefore be to give full benefit of doubt and accept them as genuine.

doHP85t, there have been positive suggestions in some of the above posts. Do any of them help you sort out your thinking?
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Re: Am i just twisted?

Postby Don Juan on May 12th, 2016, 5:31 am 

doHP85t wrote:I do some things some other people would never do or even consider thinking about, but i only hurt people who hurts others? I'm raised **** up, and have learned from it. But what i wanna know is?

Am i bad if i clearly understand the concept between good and evil? Does understanding the action that im making, make me anything of a better person?
sometimes violence in the only answer. I understand that`
Am i just twisted?

When is a behavior "INHUMANE" ?

I know this is not a normal post, compared to the others, but i think many psychopaths feels misunderstood. Sorry if nothing makes sense.


Of course you are not bad - you can do bad things. There is at least a point of difference between your identity and your behavior. You can change your behavior, but you are irreplaceable. You are already much more than you think because the potential for doing is in you. So then it will be up to you to succumb to your behavior or be the master of it. Behavior becomes inhumane when one (at least deliberately or intentionally) take away that potential in the person. This kind of behavior usually is associated to disrespecting the basic human rights of a person. So then I believe you have to stop doubting yourself thinking that you maybe twisted or psychopathic because with these actions you are depriving yourself your full potential, and to a degree, an inhumane treatment you are giving yourself. Stop doing bad things because it will make your world small and you may lose time and chances to cultivate your potential. What will give you a sense of worth? What will give you significance that will uplift your spirit? What will be your contribution to your community that in the long term you will be able to reminiscence and say to yourself you lived a full life? You are the master of yourself - you already know what to do - and one thing remains up to you, the decision and choice, will you do it or not.
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